Soul searching
by avalon6
Summary: A companion piece to a little understanding, Mort's POV of the events in previous story


title: Author: Avalon E-mail: Avalonbnd@aol.com Series: Companion piece to A little understanding Rating: PG Archive: If you want it just let me know Feedback: Any all feedback welcomed Summary: Mortimer's thoughts, takes place a few hours before the previous story Disclaimer: I don't own, it's for fun don't bother suing  
  
  
  
Mortimer was exhausted. He couldn't remember the last time he was this tired. As he walked up the porch to the cabin he felt as though he hadn't been home in a month instead of week. Fumbling with the lock on the door he let himself in. He softly closed the door behind him and and started to take of his boots. Without bothering to turn on the lights he walked across the livingroom and went into the small bathroom to the left. Only after shutting the door did he turn on the lights. with aching arms he managed to get out his clothes without too much trouble. Mortimer turned the shower on and adjusted the water to be as hot as he could stand it. As soon as he stepped under the steaming spray he felt his muscles untighten and tension wash away.  
  
Letting the hot spray hit him directly on his back Mort hoped he had been quiet enough to not wake Marie up. To say she slept lightly would be an understatement. She had told him that no matter how hard she tried she just didn't seem to be able to block out the sounds her enhanced hearing picked up at night, so Mort had learned to be quieter. He hadn't snuck by her yet but he held onto the hope that he'd done it this time.   
  
Turning around to face the showerhead he decided that tonight he wouldn't mind losing their little game. He wanted to tell Marie his news. After a long and not entirely pleasant conversation with Eric he completed his last mission for the Brotherhood. Marie had never asked him to leave the Brotherhood,she never once asked him to be anything or anyone other than he was. God, how he loved her for that. He did know that when he went on missions it upset her. When he asked her about it she looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes and replied, " You could get hurt, I don't want you to ever get hurt again." He was completely humbled by her love. She had never asked,but he knew it would make her happy. Grabbing the shampoo from the shelf he knew that it would make him happy too. As he lathered his head he aknowledged that from the minute he walked into that clearing behind Xavier's he had been on this path. Closing his eyes he turned his face up into the comforting spray, remembering the day that had set him on his course.  
  
Part II  
  
As he walked into the clearing he realized he was more than willing to kill Rogue to keep his secrets his own. He did want to know exactly what she had seen during their accidental contact. He also needed to know if she had told anyone else the details of his life. He didn't want anyone to know the degredations of his childhood. His past was his own,and it was something even he didn't want to look at too closely,He sure as hell didn't want someone else doing it. He prefered instead to focus he energies on the present. Magneto had given him a purpose to his life. He had taken him in, showed him how to use his powers. To strike out, to make normals fear him. No, Mortimer Toynbee was not about to let anyone know about the boy who had accepted daily abuse as his due for being a freak.  
  
When he had demanded Rogue tell him what she had seen he had been unprepared for her reaction. She didn't run or yell for help she just looked up at him from where she was sitting on the ground and proceeded to do as he asked. What was the old saying be careful of what you wish for you might get it. Mortimer had gotten what he wanted, in spades. Hearing his past laid out in front of him was like having a hot knife slowly twisted through his chest. Hearing her recall the brutallity of his childhood,and the brutallity of his adulthood caused the carefully repressed memories to gain a tenacious foothold in the front of his mind. So lost in his own painful reverie he hadn't realized she had stopped talking.  
  
"I'm sorry,so sorry",she sobbed.  
  
"I don't want or need you pity",Mortimer bit out as he whirled away.  
  
He had to get away from her from the pain she had brought back to him.  
  
"It's not pity,I'm sorry that I hurt you too"  
  
those words had stopped him cold. Never in his whole life had someone ever apologized for something they had done to him, not even Magneto after one of his rages.  
  
It was the beginning of hope for Mortimer. After that day when they shared the pain his life didn't seem so bleak and he started creating memories that weren't filled with pain. Rogue treated him with kindness and respect. She acutually asked him opinion on things, a novel experience for him. She never expected anything from him either. She just wanted his company and conversation. When he was with her he never felt like a freak, for the first time in his life Mortimer felt like a man.  
  
So he obviously fell in love with her immediately. It was the only thing that marred his time that he spent with her. He was unendingly grateful for her friendship but the knowledge that there never could be anything more hurt. He wasn't a fool, he knew what he looked like. Never in his life had someone looked at him that way and he didn't expect that to change now, until Rogue gave him a new kind of hope.  
  
About two weeks after the incident when Rogue had almost gone into a panic after accidentally touching him Rogue had decided she had better head back to the mansion before they missed her. Mortimer held out his hand to help her up from the ground to reinforce that he wasn't afraid of her. "Thanks mort" she smiled,"always the gentleman"  
  
"Only for you Rogue,wouldn't want to ruin my reputation as an evil mutant, bent on world domination,would I"  
  
then the moment his world changed once again,Rogue then took of the gauzy scarf she was wearing it and draped it on his face and kissed him.  
  
"Marie,my name's Marie",She whispered and disappeared into the trees. leaving Mortimer stunned behind her.  
  
Part III  
  
Mortimer was brought back to the present by the quickly cooling water coming from the shower. He finished washing up and got out of the shower. After drying off he wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door to find Marie sitting on the sofa waiting for him.  
  
"I missed you"  
  
Leaning against the doorjam "I missed you too,I thought maybe this time I had managed to make it past you"  
  
"I heard you before you made it to the porch,Marie laughed," although I was starting to think you had fallen asleep in there" inclining her head to the bathroom.  
  
Rising from her seat Marie walked acros the room and enveloped Mortimer in a tight hug,using her hair as a shield she rested her head against his chest.  
  
"I worry when your gone"  
  
Smiling Mortimer pressed a kiss to her head,"You don't need to worry anymore"  
  
Marie's head snapped up at his words.  
  
"I quit"  
  
"You didn't have to do that for me, you know that don't you?"  
  
"I know,I wanted to do it. Do you remember when you decided to leave Xavier's?"  
  
"Of course I do,why?"  
  
"Do you remember what you told me when I asked you if you could really walk away from the X-men after everything they had done for you? You told me that you would always owe them your gratititude but that didn't mean you owed them your soul."  
  
Mortimer looked into Marie's eyes and he saw the only thing worth fighting for anymore.  
  
"I decided you were right" 


End file.
